| I've started a new journey, a new adventure in life.I have to admit I have done so
completely unwillingly...I will miss my love, His illness took him away..early this Month...
Aug. 2012.....We did good, since a Dr. told me 30 years ago he was a "loaner love"....He said more than
likely he would only be with us for 5 years....Those first five were; well they were fast...
and when it came around to ten, we were NOT celebrating.He was honestly waiting to
die...
He always hated birthdays, last
year we celebrated..I'm so glad, as he never quite made it to this one..OH Kay! Enough of
that.....NO ONE wants to picture my tears....
I will tell you about the strange goings on in my world.....I am not here to lament
his passing, After 30 years of his good nature. His swallowing every tincture, unguent
and tea I studied upon or read about, we lost him.....God! Maybe I poisoned him!...Nope!
I didn't....Some Dr. well..enough of that road...
I was in complete denial that he was as
far down the path and going away from me as quickly as he was.Usually SOMETHING,
would work....whether it be my mechanization or his natural fighting spirit, I will never
know....It didn't realize,..and he got further and further away....NOW I FEEL HIM CLOSE....
It is as though he is sittin' behind me watching the movie on the tv. I feel the warmth of
his love...Most days he has shown me in some manner that it is so.....
My Daughter Bren, and her kids spent the first week with me...made sure I ate...
Watched after me...and Dragged me out of this house...Till it became clear that she
had to get back to WORK...
I went to a mountain, a place I knew about where my native side allowed me to see things that
were not there...NO it was not the wood smoke...It was five men talking and watching
us...Five men in native Garb, with antiquated weapons watching us...talking about us
but I could only see, I could NOT hear...And Jeannette could not see them....I did a small
ceremony on that mountain...actually a comedy of errors...I brought a chair to sit upon...
I opened it behind my car and talked to my ancestors....I offered them smoke, bundles of
tobacco, fresh water, and prayer.....they in turn helped me get out of that DAMN chair....
I still haven't put in a different one.After MY release..I sat upon a large stone to finish the ceremony and to
add an "Our Father" for good measure...I heard someone, nearby drumming as I worked my
way back to the car..It was not native drumming, but there are no coincidences only happenings..
It was drums of some sort...
I Tossed that perfidious chair in the back and made a run for my eldest daughters....On the way
I decided, to bathe in the cold waters of the St. Joe..where I found my body is built a
lot different from when I wore a tiny bikini to swim in it's glacial waters...NOW! I discover
FAT FLOATS..and my butt, kept trying to drown my head....But, I was at peace...
Some Teen aged kids promised to haul me out, if my butt, won that battle.....
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