They grew up without my permission.....

It seems strange to sit in a living room, in bright light beside the TV. My fella sits beside me holding the dog who owns him. Somehow we are closer here than I am in an open doorway a few feet away. I am more a part of his life sitting here on a slow computer he paid ten bucks for at a yard sale. More and more as I listen to him fight for air when he has a bad day, I need to be a part of their lives . Here I set on my prehistoric Compaq, waiting for it to load, when I could be a few feet away on my lovely Dell computer. I could be just a few steps away. Perhaps a lifetime away....My son bought the Dell for several hundred dollars a few years ago at Christmas!I have Great kids, even though they tricked me by growing UP while I was not looking.

Just when was it they became adults? Was it 15 ? I know that was when they were sure they were smarter than either of us? Was it at 18 when the law said they could go where they wanted and do as they please?

I'm not really sure WHEN they grew up? One day I opened my eyes! I saw them packing out all the things we'd bought them and they had treasured over the years. They were on their way to live "on their own!"...They took all their favorite things. They packed them into cars and into homes. They each left a box. I don't know what is in those boxes? I think it is just something" for seed." They left just enough of themselves behind so they could always call this home. They KNEW it was home cause they had a box of things there waiting for THEM. A box of "Stuff" they knew I could never bare to throw out;because it was a part of them and a part of our lives, before they grew up and away from our home....

Now my eldest is nearly in her forties. She is well on her way. I find bits and pieces of her things occasionally, a picture of her teen aged years and her friends. Something to make me think of her as a little girl! Something to remind me of her childhood. Now she has Children of her own. I find things that belong to them, to remind me they too lived in my home. They too were children here, a part of our lives, growing more important in our hearts. One will soon be a teen, where did his child hood go? Where is that little boy who played havoc with our heart strings, brought dust and dandelions to his grandmother on a long ago spring day in Idaho??? Back to where we started, when is it they GROW UP????

I enjoy them NOW, probably, not as much as I enjoyed them as children, I knew at the time I was raising strong, hard working adults. I knew I was not raising children!....Perhaps they were mostly adults at the time. They were growing into what I wanted them to be all along...

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